Drunk on Writing

I have come to the sad yet realistic realization that my first nanowrimo shall not be the glorious victory I envisioned it to be. I have just skimmed the 6000 word mark halfway through the month and 50 000 seems so far away. I wish I could blame this shortcoming on my busy life, my lack of time, my blah blah blah but it all comes down to one thing: I am still writing with an editor living behind my eyes. I'm still not liberated in my writing and am constantly fixing or rethinking. I believe I am virtually incapable of writing without conviction.

And this is what has hindered me from ever completing a 100% original story. I think too much about the technical details and not enough about the actual story and when the technical aspect hits a wall, I become discouraged and stop writing.

The frustating thing is that it's not all about story layout and plot outline...take Deeva & Evalita, for instance. I know exactly what's going to happen with the story right up until the end of chapter two. So how come I didn't have the first two chapters completed in one week? Why is it, at the end of week two, I'm not yet done chapter two?

Even if I fail to complete nanowrimo (and, hey, it's only my first shot, right?) I can be rest assured that I will have learned something about my writing and know what I have to change in order to be successful. If there's one thing I've learned at my current job, it's that in order to better myself I need to make efforts to change things...I can't expect my environment to cater to the things I need to develop. My writing methods definitely need to be refined and nanowrimo is helping me to bring about this change.

Come what may, this story shall be written. I'm too involved in the lives of Evalita and Deeva